"I urge you to suckle at my honey-sweet teat," he said recently in an all-exclusive interview with Chaperone Party's Snookie Corderoy. "The milk of my talent will sweep you away to a land of complete and utter ecstasy."
When expressing her concerns about his request, Cranston assured her that he grooms his chest hair quite frequently, and that fans would probably only get "a little bit of fuzz in their mouths." A fact that one fan, who asked to be referred to as Francis, can attest to.
"I met Bryan at ComiCon last month and he offered me a taste of his sweet man nipple nectar. It was the sweetest thing I'd ever tasted, like milk and honey, and a tad bit of cinnamon and brown sugar, just melting in my mouth. I didn't want to let go -- I didn't want that moment to end."
When the actor is not offering up his teats to fans, he advocates for facial mole acceptance.
"When I'd had my fill, he handed me a bit of fine-grade sandpaper and offered me the opportunity to polish his mole," said Francis. "It was absolutely the most exhilarating experience of my life. What a guy. Definitely worth the money I paid to meet him."
So what does this mean for you -- yes, YOU -- ye fans of Cranston?
Don't be afraid to ask to nip at his nipples.
Bryan Cranston loves his fans and wants to make them happy, and if this requires offering his body up to them, well then he's only happy to oblige.
"To me, offering my teat to the fans is the ultimate sacrifice, the ultimate showcase of love and gratitude. There's no greater feeling than that of a beloved fan gently tittering away at my nipples.
"Don't all line up at once," he added. "My nipples do get tender and require some down time to recover."
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